Cat Kerr

by: Lisa Smith, Therapist – St. Raphael Counseling

“Start by doing what is necessary; then do what is possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible.” — St. Francis of Assisi

Lent is a season of reflection, sacrifice and renewal—an opportunity to deepen our relationship with Christ through prayer, fasting and almsgiving. In our family, we have created a tradition that helps us engage with this sacred season in a tangible and meaningful way. Each year, at the start of Lent, we make paper crowns and write our Lenten commitments on them as a reminder that our sacrifices and efforts are meant to draw us closer to the King of Kings.

A Crown Fit for Sacrifice

Using construction paper and markers, we craft crowns like those given out at Burger King, transforming them into visual reminders of our Lenten promises. Each family member writes down what they will give up or take on during Lent. Some years, our commitments focus on fasting from distractions—like limiting screen time or reducing complaints. Other years, we emphasize positive actions, such as performing daily acts of kindness or spending more time in prayer.

Once decorated, we place our crowns on the wall by the stairs—a spot we pass multiple times a day on our way to the kitchen and dining room. This placement serves as a constant, visible reminder of our commitments, ensuring that Lent remains an active part of our daily lives rather than an afterthought.

Accountability and Support as the Body of Christ

One of the most powerful aspects of this tradition is our nightly family discussions at the dinner table. We talk about how our Lenten promises are going, what challenges we’re facing and how we can support one another.

One year, my son decided his Lenten promise would be to stop yelling at his sister. That first evening, we talked about how she could support him in his goal. She recognized that she could help by not intentionally frustrating him—such as refraining from destroying his Lego creations. In turn, he realized he could help her respect his space by offering to play with her, which was at the heart of her behavior. This moment demonstrated two key lessons: first, that seeing our goals daily keeps them at the forefront of our minds, and second, that we are not meant to journey through Lent—or life—alone. We are the Body of Christ, called to help one another become the best versions of ourselves.

This idea is deeply rooted in our faith. St. Paul reminds us in Romans 12:4-5: “For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another.” Lent is not just about personal sacrifice; it is also about growing in love and charity as a community.

The Value of Writing Down Our Goals

There is particular power in writing down our commitments. Psychological studies affirm that when we put our goals in writing, we are far more likely to follow through with them. Writing down our Lenten commitments engages us in interior reflection and holds us accountable for the transformation we seek.

When we physically write down our sacrifices or acts of service, we take ownership of our Lenten journey. It is no longer just an abstract thought but a visible, daily invitation to become more Christlike.

A Counselor’s Perspective: Growth Through Reflection and Accountability

As a therapist, I have seen firsthand the power of intentional goal-setting. In counseling, setting small, measurable goals helps individuals move toward healing and growth. Similarly, in Lent, setting spiritual goals—whether through fasting, prayer or acts of kindness—can be transformative. It fosters self-awareness, encourages accountability, and deepens our faith.

Furthermore, the support of a community, much like our family discussions around the Lenten crowns, plays a crucial role in personal growth. In therapy, we emphasize the importance of social support in overcoming challenges. Likewise, engaging in Lenten commitments as a family or faith community strengthens our spiritual resilience and reinforces the understanding that we are never alone in our struggles.

Encouraging Growth in Holiness

This practice has been a gift to our family. It has transformed Lent from a season of vague intentions into a time of intentional, shared growth. It has helped our children understand that sacrifice is not simply about giving something up, but about becoming more like Jesus. It has reinforced the idea that our actions—big or small—impact others.

By integrating a simple craft with a deeper spiritual lesson, we have found a way to make Lent accessible and meaningful for all members of our family, regardless of age. Seeing our crowns each day reminds us that we are on this journey together, striving not for perfection but for holiness.

This Lent, consider introducing a similar practice in your own family. Whether it’s a paper crown, a poster or a family prayer journal, creating a visual reminder of your Lenten commitments can be a powerful way to remain faithful to them. Most importantly, use this season as an opportunity to grow not only as individuals but as a family rooted in faith, love and the grace of Christ.

As we journey through this holy season, may we remember that our sacrifices and acts of love are not just for ourselves, but for the greater glory of God. “Whatever you do, do everything for the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31).

Lisa Smith is a therapist with St. Raphael Counseling, the largest Catholic therapy practice in the country. A ministry of Catholic Charities of Denver, the practice offers a wide range of services, including individual therapy, school counseling, couples counseling and family therapy.

Dr. Michelle Connor-Harris and Mark Sanders

If you’re a Catholic in your 20s, 30s or even 40s and feel called to marriage, the team at St. Raphael Counseling, a ministry of Catholic Charities, would like to offer some advice. My colleague Mark Sanders and I have been therapists for many years, and we’ve each been happily married to our spouses for 25 to 30 years. We often hear young people in our offices expressing frustration about dating in Catholic circles. Mark primarily works with men while I see more women, but the concerns are largely the same:

“I’ve been to all the young adult gatherings. I’m part of a Bible study. My housemates have introduced me to all of their friends. I’ve been on Catholic Match. I even joined a Catholic sports team—despite being painfully unathletic—and I still can’t find anyone!”

Many feel immense pressure to find “the one” as soon as possible. While the desire for marriage is natural and taking proactive steps is important, it’s easy to become fixated on “making it happen.” In doing so, we can forget that God has a plan for each of us—one that may look very different from the one we envision for ourselves.

Trusting God’s Plan

From my own experience—and that of many of my clients—the person God has chosen for you may not be who you expect. When I met my husband Chris, he wasn’t Catholic. He was in a Marine Corps ROTC program and from a completely different part of the country. These all felt like “strikes” against him because I assumed they meant we wouldn’t share the same faith, he’d have a career in the military and we’d never live near my family in Colorado.

But I brought my concerns to God in prayer. In my next conversation with Chris—without me mentioning any of my worries—he shared that he had no interest in a long-term military career, had always wanted to live in Denver and was open to raising children in the Catholic Church. It was a clear moment of God removing my perceived obstacles. A few months later, we got engaged. A year after we married, Chris chose to convert to Catholicism. Now, with three nearly grown sons, I’m grateful I was open to God’s work in my dating life.

More Than Just Shared Faith

Mark here—my relationship with my wife Aileen started differently. She was Catholic and I felt an immediate connection. But I remind myself when working with young adults that this isn’t always the norm.

Through years of counseling, I’ve learned that dating can be challenging, especially when people expect an instant deep connection. I’ve had clients who knew each other’s favorite saints but not their hometowns! While faith is foundational, it’s also essential to consider compatibility in other areas of life.

In my marriage counseling work at St. Raphael’s, I’ve seen couples who married primarily for religious reasons but later struggled. When the kids were grown, they realized they had little else connecting them. A shared faith is crucial but so is a strong personal connection.

Let Go and Let God

We encourage you to slow down, relax and enjoy the journey. Dating should be a wonderful experience, not a stressful pursuit of “the one.” When you remove the pressure, connections can form naturally.

Here are a few questions to consider:

Are you truly surrendering your dating life to Christ? Surrendering means being open to meeting people from different backgrounds and allowing room for the unexpected. Instead of viewing every date as a potential spouse interview, see it as an opportunity to make a new friend. Some people you meet may introduce you to a future spouse, become an important professional contact or help you grow emotionally or spiritually.
Are you enjoying your life as it is? Dating should be fun! When you stop obsessing over whether someone is “the one,” you can enjoy the experience—whether it’s sharing a meal, taking a walk or simply having a great conversation. Take it one date at a time and don’t be too quick to dismiss someone.
We’ve all seen the bumper sticker: “Let go and let God.” But do we truly believe it? Give it a try—you might be surprised at what He has in store for you!

By: Mark Sanders
Substance Use: A Growing Concern
Addiction to a wide range of substances remains a significant issue, not only in the United States but globally. It is estimated that about 10% of the U.S. population uses some form of illegal drug—ranging from “hard drugs” like cocaine, heroin and methamphetamine to marijuana and prescription medications—over any 30-day period. In Colorado, the legalization of marijuana has brought the issue into sharper focus, with annual sales exceeding $1 billion. Coupled with an estimated 7% of the population struggling with alcohol-related problems, the need for accessible resources for both adults and adolescents becomes increasingly urgent.
In recent years, heightened anxiety—especially during and after the pandemic—has led to increased substance use across all demographics.
From a Catholic perspective, substance use is not merely a physical or mental health issue but also a spiritual one. The Catechism of the Catholic Church states:
“The use of drugs inflicts very grave damage on human health and life. Their use, except on strictly therapeutic grounds, is a grave offense. Clandestine production of and trafficking in drugs are scandalous practices. They constitute direct co-operation in evil, since they encourage people to practices gravely contrary to the moral law” (CCC 2291).
Pope Francis has also urged Catholics to “Say NO to every kind of drug use” in order to say YES to the richness of life’s opportunities. This perspective often contrasts with societal attitudes toward substance use.

Signs of Problematic Substance Use
It’s important to recognize the symptoms of substance misuse in both adults and adolescents. Key signs include:
• Consuming larger amounts of substances than intended or struggling to cut down or control use.
• Spending excessive time using substances and giving up previously enjoyable activities.
• Experiencing strong cravings for substances.
• Facing work, school, or relationship issues as a result of substance use.
• Developing physical tolerance (needing more of a substance for the same effect) or withdrawal symptoms when not using.
• Continuing use despite negative consequences in personal or professional life.
For adolescents, the majority of substance use issues often begin in middle school, around ages 11–12. Parents should be aware of the following potential warning signs:
• Declining academic performance, especially if the child was previously a good student.
• Changes in friendships, mood, or time spent with family.
• Increased isolation from family activities.
• Frequent use of items like aftershave, cologne, perfume, eye drops, or incense to mask behavior.

Supporting Teens: Communication and Prevention Tips
It’s important for parents to address concerns proactively. While not all behavioral changes signal substance use—adolescence itself is a time of significant emotional and social shifts—dramatic changes may indicate underlying issues, such as substance use or mental health concerns (e.g., depression, anxiety).
Here are some practical tips for increasing communication and prevention:
• Set clear expectations: Establish rules and discuss family, religious and personal values about substance use, especially as your child approaches high school.
• Encourage healthy activities: Help your child engage in sports, clubs or hobbies. Participation in enjoyable activities can be one of the most effective deterrents against substance use.
• Use teachable moments: Leverage opportunities to discuss substance use, such as news stories, movies or TV shows. Share your thoughts and allow your child to express their opinions.
• Stay involved: Know your child’s friends and their families. Understand what they do when they’re together and maintain open communication about their social circle.

By recognizing the signs of substance misuse early and fostering open communication, we can help individuals and families navigate these challenges. Ensuring that professional resources are available to those in need remains a vital step in addressing this pervasive issue.
Written by:
Mark Sanders is a therapist with St. Raphael Counseling, the largest Catholic therapy practice in the country. The practice, a ministry of Catholic Charities of Denver, offers a wide range of services, including individual therapy, school counseling, couples counseling and family therapy. They also provide evaluations for learning difficulties, attention problems and autism in a timely, thoughtful way that supports children and their families. With flexible scheduling, insurance options and a sliding scale, St. Raphael Counseling make care accessible.
Spanning the Archdiocese of Denver, their team of clinicians provides therapy and counseling in alignment with the teachings of the Catholic Church. Get started today.

The calendar is already turning from January to February, and chances are you’ve already made—and maybe abandoned—your New Year’s resolutions. Lose 10 pounds, save more money, get healthier…the list often feels like an endless loop, year after year.

As we step into 2025, it’s common to wonder why so many resolutions fail. How can people create lasting change in their lives? As a therapist at St. Raphael Counseling, the largest Catholic therapy practice in the country, I frequently work with individuals seeking transformation. Despite their good intentions, many of these goals don’t succeed. So, why is that, and how can we do better?

One key reason resolutions fail is the lack of a concrete plan. The calendar may change, but unless your actions change too, nothing will be different. Being intentional can make all the difference. For instance, instead of saying, “I want to lose weight,” set a specific and measurable goal like, “I want to lose 10 pounds.” Break it into manageable steps and be realistic—if you haven’t been to the gym in years, aiming to go six times a week isn’t practical.

Rather than creating yet another list of changes, I encourage you to start with two important steps.

First, recognize and be grateful for what you already have. As Catholics, we’re called to “count our blessings.” Gratitude shifts your perspective from scarcity to abundance and helps you focus on fine-tuning your life rather than overhauling it entirely.

Second, reflect on the “why” behind your goals. Don’t just decide, “I want to pray more.” Ask yourself why this matters. Is it to center yourself and reduce stress? To strengthen your relationship with Jesus or Mary? To give thanks for your blessings? A clear purpose will help you persevere when challenges arise.

Adopting a long-term mindset can also make a big difference. For example, saving $1,200 in a month can feel overwhelming, but saving $100 each month for a year is much more manageable—and achieves the same result. Avoid the trap of short-term thinking and embrace steady, consistent progress.

That said, some situations may call for a more dramatic shift. In a previous career, I worked with individuals trying to quit smoking. Research shows that those who quit abruptly—going from 20 cigarettes a day to zero—were more successful than those who tapered off gradually. While abrupt change can feel intimidating, it often fosters a sense of accomplishment and momentum that slower methods may not provide.

Change takes time, especially when addressing long-standing habits. But with intentional decisions, a clear plan, and a mindset of gratitude and purpose, your goals can become achievable.

Written by:
Mark Sanders is a therapist with St. Raphael Counseling, the largest Catholic therapy practice in the country. The practice, a ministry of Catholic Charities of Denver, offers a wide range of services, including individual therapy, school counseling, couples counseling and family therapy. They also provide evaluations for learning difficulties, attention problems and autism in a timely, thoughtful way that supports children and their families. With flexible scheduling, insurance options and a sliding scale, St. Raphael Counseling make care accessible.
Spanning the Archdiocese of Denver, their team of clinicians provides therapy and counseling in alignment