By Derek Rusnak
St. Raphael Counseling, a ministry of Catholic Charities
Many people would rather endure electric shocks than be alone with their thoughts. This surprising finding from a 2015 study published in the journal Science echoes Blaise Pascal’s saying: “All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.” I see this echoed in my work at St. Raphael Counseling, a ministry of Catholic Charities and the largest Catholic therapy practice in the nation, where clients who once experienced a deep, fulfilling prayer life find themselves in a difficult phase where prayer—especially mental prayer—becomes painfully impossible. This struggle can compound their suffering, leaving them feeling not only disconnected from God but also guilty for not praying. Although many factors, both natural and spiritual, can contribute to this, I’ve observed a common thread that, when addressed, can bring healing and revive one’s prayer life.
According to St. Ignatius’ discernment of spirits, the core reason people often struggle with prayer is desolation—an experience marked by feeling distant from God, clouded by discouragement, distraction and dryness. This state stands in stark contrast to consolation, the blessed experience of feeling close to God, which makes prayer feel like a gift rather than a task. While consolation comes from the Holy Spirit, desolation, as Ignatius describes, can be stirred by the Enemy—whether it’s the world, the flesh, or the devil.
When incorporating the discernment of spirits into our spiritual life, Fr. Timothy Gallagher, OMV, advises us to: 1) Be Aware—identify whether we’re experiencing consolation or desolation, 2) Understand—explore how it started and how it impacts us, and 3) Take Action—work to reject desolation and embrace consolation. Fr. Gallagher also clarifies the difference between spiritual and non-spiritual (physical or psychological) consolation and desolation. Though distinct, these are interrelated: non-spiritual consolation can make prayer feel naturally life-giving, whereas non-spiritual desolation can make it feel almost unbearably difficult.
For our discussion here, I recommend exploring Fr. Gallagher’s work for deeper insights into discernment of spirits. I’d like to focus on the influence of non-spiritual desolation and consolation, particularly through the lens of the polyvagal model of the autonomic nervous system (ANS), developed by researcher Stephen Porges and popularized by clinician Deb Dana.
In simple terms, this model addresses how our ANS—the part of our nervous system that automatically regulates functions like heart rate, breathing, and digestion—operates beyond our conscious awareness, continually evaluating whether we’re safe or threatened.
The ANS is organized into three parts: Ventral, Sympathetic and Dorsal, each correlating with different responses to our environment. When our ANS senses safety, it engages the Ventral part, which fosters connection, presence and ease with others. In the face of a perceived threat, it activates the Sympathetic state, which triggers fight-or-flight responses. When facing an overwhelming threat, it engages the Dorsal part, which brings feelings of freeze, numbness and disconnection.
People often find Sympathetic or Dorsal states distressing or even shameful. However, they are natural mechanisms meant to keep us safe. Rather than avoiding these states, the therapeutic goal is to maintain a baseline in Ventral, so that any shifts into Sympathetic or Dorsal are temporary, balanced and help us live our vocations for God’s glory.
So, how does this apply to prayer? On an experiential level, non-spiritual consolation aligns with the Ventral state, while non-spiritual desolation aligns with the Sympathetic and Dorsal states. When a client’s nervous system is stuck in Sympathetic or Dorsal, prayer can feel painfully impossible. Their body’s response to perceived danger makes sitting still feel daunting or even distressing, as if prayer requires them to override their natural fight, flight or freeze instincts.
However, when clients learn to recognize and understand their ANS state at any moment, they can work on moving from Sympathetic or Dorsal back to Ventral. Not only can this make prayer more doable and enjoyable, but the ability to navigate their ANS helps reduce the distress they feel during challenging states. This practice also makes them less likely to feel “stuck,” fostering a sense of freedom and a greater awareness of how Jesus brings liberation to captives on every level of our being—even within the silent struggle of our prayer life.
St. Raphael Counseling, the largest Catholic therapy practice in the country, offers individual, couple, family and school-based counseling. Spanning the Archdiocese of Denver and part of Catholic Charities, our team of clinicians provides therapy and counseling in alignment with the teachings of the Catholic Church. Call 720-377-1359 or visit straphaelcounseling.com to get started.